Well that last post was cheery.  This blog has become therapy for me and like my therapist I expect you all to keep this completely confidential.  It would be really embarrassing if this got out.   I received so many nice comments and a great deal of concern about my “mood”.  While all I post here is how I feel, please know that after I post I feel really good.  It’s kind of like when you take your kid to preschool and they cry hysterically when you leave.  You feel horrible all day but five minutes later your toddler is laughing and eating glue.  Just think of me as a toddler. 

I have decided that while being fit is important, focusing entirely on looking better is not a very lofty goal.  Especially because as one friend pointed out, “this right now is as good as you get.”  Hmm, I think that may be true and I should probably  enjoy it.  This has been a tough year for me, but I doubt the women in Syria would consider it so.  I don’t think people who have lost their homes this year would feel particularly bad for me and parents who have children in Afghanistan would love for them to be safe in Utah with the Mormon’s at therapeutic boarding school. I am not denying my feelings I have just put them in perspective.  As an old friend said,  “it’s okay to have doubts, it’s okay to feel lost, and it’s okay to feel failure.  It’s even okay to be a democrat! We get back up and we do it again, we fall and fall and we keep on walking.  My battle with cancer has let me see things differently and some good things are still the same.”  This friend lived in New York when he found out he had cancer.  His cancer diagnosis brought him back to California and ultimately saved his life.  He worked for Canter Fitzgerald in the World Trade Center and had he not been diagnosed with cancer and moved back to California for treatment he would have been in the tower on September 11.  Instead, he is thirteen years out from cancer and he, his wife, and son are doing well.  We can never know what is coming and how perceived bad things or even good things will actually affect our lives so I think I’ll just try to be grateful for what I have now.

My life is really good.  I have good friends.  I have a great husband who only irritates me occasionally and my kids are not always a pain in the ass.  Today I am not going to ask for anything more.  Not bad for an old fat lady.

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