I need to post today because I have to post at least once a week to be on the BlogHer list of women’s blogs but I can’t think of anything to write about.  I am in the Salt Lake Airport waiting for my Mom.  We are here to visit my Uncle Jack who is fighting a brain tumor. As I sit here in the Delta lounge drinking my free coffee I realize I’m afraid to see him this time.  I don’t know that anything is different it’s just that every time we visit it becomes a little more real.

The other night I did my yearly obituary search to see if my Dad is still alive. He is. I think. It appears that he lives in Northern California somewhere.  Doing an intrnet search on him never tells me anything to make me want to call the phone number I can get for paying $29.99 to a location website. No, an internet search just yields his occasional drunk driving report or trouble with the California Bar Association.  You know, the usual.  I have come to a place where I am not mad at him any more, but I still miss him and I feel really bad for him.  Hmmm…. Are you seeing a connection here between my fear of losing My Uncle, the only father figure I have left, and checking to see if my real Dad is still among the living?  Well you are a step ahead of me.  I just figured it out as I wrote it down.  And where is the justice here?  Who would you chose to get a brain tumor:  a man who abandons his family or a man whose family comes before anything else?  I know life isn’t fair and it may seem harsh that I am offering up my own Father as a trade for Uncle Jack.  But I am.

Well, that was cheery. I think we all just discovered that my stream of consciousness is actually a river of darkness. Next time I’ll tell you about the kittens. There is nothing depressing about kittens.  Unless they are dead kittens.  I’ll stop now.