Month: April 2013

Brains!

I have been using my brain too much and it is tired.  The first day of EMT school the instructor told us that if we have been out of school for, “ten years or so”,  the workload may take a little getting used to.  Ten years?  Try thirty.  Also the good news is 98% of people passing the UCLA EMT course go o to pass the National Certification Exam.  I had to ruin it by raising my hand and asking how many pass the class. Answer:49%  Hmm.

Anyway the bad news is I am old, but the good news is I am old!  Just having paid attention to life and  reading a lot has given me a rudimentary knowledge of a wide variety of subjects.  Combine that with having taught childbirth classes, being a dancer, and watching all twelve seasons of ER and Bam! take that Exam One on Anatomy, Physiology, the Respiritory, Cardiac, and Nervous Systems and Medical Terminology. Oy,  I am so screwed.  This was perhaps not the best time to go off antidepressants.
 Even with my excruciatingly slow taper I am having some “trouble”. I am experiencing brain zaps (feels like an electrical jolt through your brain), extreme irritability (known to have that anyway), intestinal problems, edema in hands and feet, weight gain, joint pain, headache,  a rash down my spine that I am convinced is toxins leaving the nervous system and did I mention extreme irritability? I have been so unpleasant I even caught Don breaking a Cymbalta capsule into my diet coke. I am so mad at myself for not researching this drug before I took it.  The problem with antidepressants is when you are depressed you want to feel better so badly you just do what your told..  Or I did anyway.  They helped me a great deal eleven years ago but now I don’t need them but and here is the kicker – it is a Mother Fucking bitch to get off. (Sorry about the language Aunt Shawna.)  The best part is when I called my Doctor and said I was having trouble and she said she was surprised.  Huh???  Now we all know I am a self confessed drama queen but I do not make stuff up.  In fact I pride myself at being above the petty physical foibles the rest of you have to deal with.  I have given birth to two children with out drugs, I go to Bikram Yoga and I live with Don Todd.  Obviously I can withstand extreme physical and mental stress so if I say this sucks then you can trust me- this sucks.  I think I may even have screamed that into the phone at my doctor but I can’t remember because I had a brain zap and had to lay down.  So, now I am on 5 mg Prozac for a month until I can “settle down little missy.”
Today is better except I went to Bikram and thirty minutes into class I had a lower back spasm and had to lay on the floor on my side (recovery position for you EMT students) for an hour.  I love me.

Kittens!  Who wants a kitten?

Four Kittens and An EMT

Four Kittens and an EMT

If I ever write a porno film that is what I am going to title it.  My wild foster MaMa cat had FOUR kittens. I thought there were only three but there are three normal size ones and a little tiny one.  The other day I was running around the house all excited about my cats and because everyone on Facebook was talking about gay marriage:

Don- You have eight cats, a blog, and you are studying to be an EMT.  You are one missed hair appointment away from being a lesbian.

Me- You have no idea.

Like I would ever miss a hair appointment.  I may be close to becoming a lesbian but I am not close to having roots- please.

I have been going off antidepressants.  I have been taking them in one form or another for over eleven years and slowly tapering off since January.  I am going to try life unmedicated because I feel pretty good these days and I seem to have developed some alternative skills.  One of the unknown to me perks of Bikram yoga is it is a fantastic mood stabilizer and elevator.  My mood might be elevated because I am always so happy to have survived the class, but whatever- I’ll take it.  I wasn’t aware how difficult it is to get off these drugs.  Doctors tell you that you can’t get addicted just dependent. What they don’t tell you is dependent just means you don’t crave it but you still just can’t stop taking it.  I have heard horror stories but so far I have only had mild versions of the withdrawal symptoms. I think it is because I am tapering so slowly and I am really determined.  Also, I refuse to stay on a drug just because it is uncomfortable to get off it.  I certainly have no problem with antidepressants and they really helped me but I wish I had known upfront this was no easy task.  It was easier to quit drinking and using xanax.  Just saying.  So, I’ll keep you posted.

I start EMT training at UCLA next week.  I don’t really want to be an EMT (although I would look just darling in the uniform with a walkie talkie!) but I really want the skills.  I have been thinking
about it for years and I was actually becoming wistful when I heard a siren.  I am really excited.  I’m pretty sure the class will be packed with fifty-two year old women.  If anyone calls me Mom they are going to get punched.  I just hope I don’t pass out or throw up. Oh!  Maybe Bobby Sherman will be my teacher!  Did you know he became on EMT?  Can you imagine being in an accident and waking up to see Bobby Sherman hovering over you?  I would think I had died and gone to 60’s pop star heaven.  Of course, I would be the only one in the class old enough to know who he is.   Oh well. it’s all groovy.  I think it’s far out that Don’s Old Lady is going to blow her mind learning how to heal. Out of sight man!!!  Peace and Love!