One Hundred-sixty-six Reasons to Love Myself

Just for a minute I have to discuss everyone’s favorite topic- my weight. I really thought I was finished with the yo-yoing, but I have yo-yoed again and in the wrong direction. The total inattention to my health, lack of exercise, and eating everything in sight has surprisingly led to weight gain.  When am I going to finally figure this out?  It’s just math and I was good at math.

I haven’t been “thin” since I was in my early 40’s and I thought I was fat then because I wasn’t as thin as I was in my 30’s – when I felt fat because I wasn’t as thin as I was when I was a borderline anorexic dancer.  That’s when I really felt fat because after I hit 100 pounds I thought I would be too heavy to dance with Baryshnikov.

Hmmm…. I am seeing a pattern here. My sixty-year-old self is screaming at me to stop it now.

I have lost weight on a restricted diet.  I have lost weight by exercising excessively. I have lost weight by giving up sugar and everything white.  None of those things have lasted.  In fact, before I gave up sugar I didn’t even really like sugar and now I can’t get enough sugar.  What?

The only thing any of those plans had in common was I did it because I hated the way I looked and therefore myself.  Nothing born out of hate can live very long. (Did you hear that Donald Trump?)   Why would I take care of myself if I didn’t think I was worth it?  I hear you sixty-year-old DeAnne- enough.

I am going to feed myself, nurture and care for myself like I was one of my own children.  Wait, I’ll have to do better than that because sometimes I forget to pick them up from school. No giving up of anything, everything in moderation including exercise.  But here is where my new plan becomes different and difficult- I have to find a way to feel good about myself that has nothing to do with how I look.  Yikes! I want to write and I feel good about myself when I do that so I am going to do that a lot more.  Being a writer and sitting all day is the perfect way to lose weight!

Anyone want to join me?  Go to the Not So Empty Nest Facebook Page and post what you weigh- be loud and proud!  I’ll start. I weigh 166. Let’s stop being embarrassed and own it! If you, like me, would like to weigh a little less let’s try to lose it by taking care of ourselves and each other first.  I think we need to work on feeling fabulous now and the rest will sort itself out.   Let’s give it a try.  It couldn’t hurt and it just might work.