Here is what happened. I tried to go off anti-depressants and it didn’t work. I did a long slow taper and in retrospect saw a long slow decline into insanity. Well, not really insanity, but close. Now, I am back on “the stuff” and I am just starting to feel really good again. Here is my new thought: I love drugs.
Somehow through all the depressed haze I managed to become a certified EMT. It felt like I was slogging through muck but I did it. I even did pretty well. I won’t tell you my final grade in the super difficult UCLA course with people less than half my age because I am not the type to laud my accomplishments and I don’t need the praise. Let’s just say I received somewhere between 95-97% and leave it at that.
|Yours Truly on my Ambulance Ride Along|
Now what? I do not know. Addie starts school tomorrow and Sofie has been back for three weeks already. Sofie has a car so I don’t drive her to school anymore. All the other Mother’s of sixteen-year-olds are sad they can’t take them to school any longer and I’m like, “Woo Hoo!!” Only eight more years until Addie can drive and I can’t wait. When we were at the DMV getting Sofie’s permit she told me the new driving age was eighteen. I fell to the floor in a heap screaming, “Why, why? I have a plan, an out! Now I have to drive Addie another two years! Why do bad things happen to good people?” Ten minutes later she told me that was a mistake and Addie can still drive at sixteen. Oh. Never mind.
I’m not sure what I will do with my days now. I might work as an EMT, start a class for women, write a play, or watch The Today Show (Matt Lauer!). I am blissfully aware I have the luxury of choice and I am happy I feel well enough to enjoy it. Did I just write that I was happy? Yikes! Let’s not get carried away.