The unexamined life is not worth living.  Socrates said that but I don’t think he was planning on quite so many self help books.  If it is true an unexamined life is not worth living than my life must be worth a fortune.  Too much examination and unfortunately, for you, I have made you examine right along with me.  What else am I supposed to do?  I can’t drink or take drugs anymore so my outlet seems to be writing all this self discovery down.  Turns out it was a good idea to write it down because after fifty I sometimes forget what it is I discovered. It’s nice to have a record. Now, just because I can’t drink doesn’t mean you shouldn’t so go ahead and fix yourself a nice cocktail before you read the rest.  I’ll wait.

Welcome back!  I wanted to elaborate on yesterdays post about living out of the country.  Besides the obvious, no responsibility,  there was more to it.  Of course it is easier to live by yourself but I am making living with other people harder than it has to be.  I feel so put upon like I should be doing more all the time.  The truth is no one is asking me to do more for them.  It is all coming from me.  Discovery!

We are going to quit talking about me (only for a second).  The other night Sofie babysat Addie while Don and I went to dinner with some friends.  Around the time we were finishing up my phone rang:

Sofie:  Mom you have got to come home right now.  Addie is insane.

Me:  What happened.

Sofie:  Everything was fine and then I told her it was time for bed and she went nuts. I tried to catch her and then I had to sit on her to keep her from running away again.  She bit me and was screaming so loud I think the neighbors are going to call the cops.

Me:  Where is she now?

Sofie: She locked herself in your bedroom.

Me:  Go out to the sliding glass door.  It is probably unlocked and you can get in that way.  We are on our way home.

Sofie went to the sliding glass door but Addie had already locked that as well.  Sofie was none too pleased.

Sofie, age 16: (picking up a rock, hysterical)  Addie open this door or I will break the glass!

Addie, age 8:  (calm and collected) If you do you are going to have pay for that with your own money.  It will probably cost $1,000.

At this point Sofie decided to throw herself on the grass as if she had passed out.

Addie (calmly calling my cellphone) Mom? Hi it’s me.  Sofie is outside your door pretending she is dead.

Me: How do you know she isn’t really dead?

Addie:  She keeps gasping and rolling around.

Sofie:  AHHHHH!!

Don got on the phone and like a hostage negotiator talked Addie down and into opening up the door to let Sofie in our bedroom.  He also let Addie know that he had told Sofie where to find the little tool thingy to unlock the door.

Addie: Where is it?

Don:  There are two of them and I am not telling you.

He didn’t have to tell her.  By the time we got home she had looked for and found both of the tool thingys.  She won’t tell us where they are.

I’m going to wrap this up now by getting back to the important subject- examining me.  Here is what I have discovered here in Portland: It is easier to maintain a sense of self when you are not surrounded by crazy demanding people. Duh.  However, they are my crazy demanding people and I want to be where they are so I’m going to have to figure out how.  Maybe less examining and more enjoying.  Sounds like a plan.

Addie, beautiful yet deadly like a Bond girl.

Sofie and Elouise