DeAnne of Arc

I’m sick today.  I’m sick and I am cranky and I keep yelling at the kids because they are so stupid.  They argue everything.  They argue everything because they know if they keep at it they will wear me down and get what they want.  I guess they are not so stupid after all.  It is my number one problem as a parent.  I keep giving in!!!  Why do I do this?  Who cares why.  I just need to stop.  There I have stopped.  The screaming you will hear coming off the mountain in La Canada will no longer be mine but will be the pitiful cries from my children not getting every thing they want the minute they want it.  Seems like this would be a no brainer but I am finding I really don’t like conflict.  As with the Facebook situation I seem to be withdrawing from any circumstance that is going to create a difference of opinion.     I do not like this about myself.  I feel worn down.  It seems I always pick the alternative viewpoint, champion it, and then get bitter and tired fighting the good fight.   Women’s Rights, Natural Childbirth, Teaching Women in Prison, whatever….  Oh I know what it is!  I have Martyr Syndrome!  I am a self made Martyr and mad about it! I get it! I let people “hurt my feelings” “take advantage of me”or “bully me”  so I can feel sorry for myself.  Well, that is disgusting.

What do my children and Republicans have in common?

 They can both shut me up.

 That isn’t good for my kids and it’s not good for me. I think it is not even that good for Republicans who would certainly benefit from my occasional humble opinion.

To sum it all up.  I have never done things just because they are easy.  I think living a fulfilling life means most of the time you end up doing the things that are hard.  It also means most people don’t always agree with you. I am going to have to be ok with that again.  I didn’t used to mind it, in fact I loved it. So, I am going to rest up, get better, quit yelling at the kids and go back to stating my beliefs. After all Martyrs are so 15th Century and apparently you can really only do that once.

Stay At Home Mom

The following conversation is proof of bad parenting:

Addie: Where are you going?
Me: I am going to a class to learn how to be a better parent.
Addie: No! I want you to stay the way you are so I can do whatever I want!

I have been parenting for twenty-five years, but apparently I have not mastered it as of yet.  I think I was a good parent to Andrew now twenty-five.  First of all he is a boy-way easier.  He actually cared what I thought, never held a grudge against anyone, and could not lie to save his life.  Also, I worked a million jobs and we had no extra money making it very easy to say no to things. On the other hand my Dear Sweet Boy just moved home from New York to “get back on his feet”. I suppose I should have taught him how to do things instead of doing it for him because that took way less time. Lesson learned, on to child #2- My beautiful, shy little curly blonde haired Sofie. When Sofie flipped out at 14( see the Sofie Saga) out we sent her away to people who actually knew what they were doing with teen agers and she came back a great kid.  So while Don and I didn’t actually guide her through her crisis we did make the painful decision to send her to “boarding school”.  I suppose we could make a check for that in the good parenting column.

But alas, now we are on child #3.  The ever capable and determined Addie. Addie is a species of child I have not yet encountered.  My other two kids are smart but this one is scary smart. She has a brutal scientific brain that doesn’t suffer from being overly sentimental.  When she was three were watching a nature program and when the cute little bunny was captured by the hawk I looked away cringing. She said, “Everyone has to eat Mom.”  And at five:

Me:  Addie, I have bad news, your fish died.

Addie: Can I eat it?

Me: No!  For one thing it is too small!

Addie:  Why can’t you just fry it up in a pan?

 Believe it or not Addie does have empathy and compassion but she very carefully choses when to use it.   She does recognizes your emotional facial cues- she just couldn’t give a damn.   That’s fine because I have ever so much energy to be parenting in my fifties (said sarcastically). She knows I’m tired and she uses it to her advantage. She is the most stubborn person I have ever met (author of this post not included in comparison). Good thing she is super cute.

 I know not how to parent her. Check and mate.

My crazy bosses.

I made a decision to be a stay-at- home  Mom when I had Sofie.  It actually wasn’t so much a decision as I was too old to be hired as a dancer anymore but whatever, the timing was good.  I would like to say I love being a stay- at -home Mom but I would be so lying.  It sucks the big one.  I work for really crazy little bosses who are never satisfied with your work.  They never tell you good job and at the end of the day you are always left feeling like you could have done it better.  Also, the hours are for shit. Mom’s can’t really catch a break.  If you stay home there is always a part of you that misses being a complete person and if you go to work you have guilt you are not with your kids. We are in teams, Working vs. Stay-at- Home, and we are not allowed to admit there is a problem with our choice and this can never can never be discussed with any real honesty.  We stay at home Mom’s are smug and self important because we have given everything up for our kids.  We are also often angry and unsatisfied.  Working Mom’s think stay at home mom’s are vapid cookie making twits that run the PTA like a business and make fun of our Martha Stewart inspired birthday party invitations.  They do not like to admit that their children really would rather have them around more.  Moms are screwed either way and we are our own worst enemy.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could respect each others decisions and know that people do the best they can for their families? I have a friend who shall remain nameless for purposes of this post (Peggy) who is not a Stay at Home Mom.  She isn’t even a Stay in The Same State Mom.  Peggy is a successful choreographer and travels a lot.  Peggy has two great kids who don’t seem to be any worse for wear. Molly is graduating from Berkeley and Gaby is going to be a Senior next year.  They are both smart, beautiful, capable and well mannered. Peg’s husband Tony more than picks up the slack when Peggy is away and Peggy is home big chunks of time.  It works for their family.

Perez’ and Huber/Todd’s -helping each other parent since 1987.

What works for my family is I stay at home with the kids and what works for me is having a Housekeeper and a Nanny to also stay at home a few hours a day with me.  I don’t regret my decision to stay home but there is a part of me that wonders, “What if?”

I have to go now because all three of my kids need me to do something for them and the dog is chewing up my rug.  I have to reboot Andrew, get Sofie through high school, and keep Addie from eating our pets.  Someones got to do it.

I Will Not Say That

I was silenced on Facebook.  The election, the tragedy in Newtown and the Facebook bullying I encountered for some of my posts regarding those events sent me away for awhile. When I posted a link to a petition to ban assault rifles on the day of the Newtown shooting I was told, “Shame on you!” I was told to, “quit being so hateful”, when I posted my concern about future Supreme Court nominations in regard to gay marriage. I do not understand going on someone’s Facebook page and telling them they are wrong.  I understand disagreeing but I would never judge someones position on their page.  It would be like going into someones house and criticizing theire decorating.  Who cares if you don’t like Mid Century Modern?  You don’t have to live there so shut up.

For instance, I will never go on to one of my Republican friends Facebook page and post my assertion that the majority of visionaries, poets, film makers, and artists are not Republican.  I will never say that the average Republican brain is not capable of the critical thinking and creativity required for such professions.  Because there are one ot two exceptions (the great Ted Nugent comes to mind)  I will  not say that.
I also will not laugh and mock a person when they claim that Republicans are the party of Lincoln.  I will not point out the Southern Democrats of the Civil War era bear a striking resemblance to todays Republicans and if a vote were held now they would never vote to end slavery.  If someone takes offense and says, “That is horrible!  Slavery is an abomination and of course we would vote no!”  I will not say, “Sure, you have had 150 years to get used to it.  If it were a new thought you would freak out.”  Gay rights anyone?  Anyway, saying that would be inflamatory and I will not say it.
Why in the world would I post that I find the ” we are victims” attitude of Republicans in regard to the media laughable. I will not say that it reminds me of the person who says, “Everyone is against me.”  We all know someone like that, right? Now think about it, is everyone really out to get that person or is he a pain in the ass?  Just saying.  Oops, not saying.
I do check in on Facebook once in awhile but I have shied away from posting anything controversial. From now on I’m only posting pictures of my kids, baby animals, and myself on vacation.  I do enjoy the occasional debate  but I find that lately they seem to rapidly deteriorate into name calling- usually by me.  When my friend from high school posted, “Shame on you.” I got really offended and called him a pompous religious asshole.  Not my finest moment.  I apologized for posting he was a pompous religious asshole, and even though I believe he is a pompous religious asshole it is never o.k. to call someone a pompous religious asshole so from now on I will not say it.
non controversial photo of Asian child
                                                     Sofie and her cat.  Can’t argue that!
                                                       
Me n Las Vegas #crazy!

My Uncle Jack

Salt Lake City Airport… again.  It’s snowing, and I’m here to visit my Uncle Jack.  He has a brain tumor.  Last year at this time I was in Salt Lake often, visiting Sofie at her ”boarding school,” or “spa,” as Don still likes to call it.  I spent a lot of time reconnecting with Uncle Jack and Aunt Shawna.  It was one of the silver linings of Sofie being gone.  
When I was twelve years old, I took a Greyhound bus by myself from Riverside, California to Salt Lake City to visit them.  It was so cool to be on the bus alone.  I read, I wrote in my journal (even then!  Except with pens!  And fewer exclamation points!) and along with the old lady sitting next to me, tried to remember all the state capitals, and named fruits or vegetables starting with each letter of the alphabet.  We had a stop in Barstow to have dinner, one in Las Vegas where we drove by my favorite hotel sign for the now-long-gone Stardust Hotel, and one in Provo at 4:00AM where I had two sugar donuts and a hot chocolate.  When I got off the bus in Salt Lake there was my Uncle Jack waiting for me. 
Jack Brooks 1966
Last year when I told him Sofie would be attending school close to his home, he was waiting for me again.  What I know now is that he and Aunt Shawna are always waiting for me or any family member who needs them.  I was so afraid to leave Sofie at school, but knowing my Uncle Jack was ten minutes away from her made it okay.  If I wanted her out of the school, I knew this marine/cowboy would go get her if we asked him to, and I felt sorry for anyone who tried to stand in his way. 
Uncle Jack is a fighter.  He was born three months premature in a hospital with no neonatal care, and lived.  When he was eight a horse fell on him and tore his spleen, and he lived.  He fought in Vietnam and he lived. He even survived raising five children.  Now he fights for his life again against brain cancer.  Based on what I know about my Uncle, I’m not betting on the cancer.

Once a Princess…..

Earlier this year I posted that I was finished hating myself and the way I looked.  Many people thought that post Je Suis Finis was a suicide note, but I assure you I never wanted to die, but I did want to off the self loathing sad part of me. I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to accomplish this Herculean task at the time, but I meant it.  I had tried to start “eating better” and “exercising more” many times to no avail.  It was too hard.  It took too long.  What was the point?  I decided to try a different approach and last March I signed up to participate in The Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. I found the training schedule on line and I started doing it.  I had to do it because I didn’t want to collapse somewhere on the streets of Santa Barbara and be carried off to the medical tent to get an I.V.  Wait, that did happen anyway, except I walked all the way to the finish line and into the medical tent myself. Take that! Anyway, I started slowly, a few miles at a time.  After a few months I added Bikrim Yoga to my training, which is hot yoga which sucks and I love it.  I was working out harder than I had in years and I started feeling better and better.  And, I started losing weight.  Here’s the thing though…I wasn’t doing any of this to lose weight. (Although I’m not stupid I knew that would happen.) Instead, I did this to challenge myself and to raise money for a really good cause. I was not working out because I was hideous and need to fix myself. How could anyone do that for very long? I was taking care of myself by training and eating well to accomplish a goal that wasn’t only about me.  I have only lost about 12 pounds, but I feel so good I don’t care. I am not going to look like I did when I was 20, 30, or even 40, but I look great for me at 50, 51…..whatever.

Gaby, Addie and Sofie

Speaking of Princesses. Last night was Halloween and Addie was a Princess and Sofie was Ke$ha. I’m so proud. I have been a Princess for Halloween every year except twice.  In 1966 I was Davy Jones from the Monkees (RIP) and in 8th Grade some friends an I all decided we would be Circus Performers. At school on Halloween as I was stood among the clowns, acrobats, and lion tamers, they all glared at me and asked what my gown, fur coat and tiara could possibly have to do with the circus.  I told them I was the owner.  This year I wore a crown like I always do on Halloween and I made Don take my picture like I always do on Halloween. When I looked at the picture I was surprised when I didn’t see a young beautiful circus owner, Miss Brea, or Cinderella.  Instead I saw who I am now,  a crazy lady in a crown, but I liked it. I like how I look right now really for the first time in my life and please God I hope it lasts.

Crazy Lady Wearing Crown and Obama Pin

So now that I have been feeling good about myself for about ten minutes I feel completely qualified to tell you how you too can be as fabulous as I.

1.Thinking you are ugly all the time is still thinking about yourself all the time and is still self absorbed so start thinking about how you can help others.

2.  Have a goal to be strong and feel better.  (Not to lose weight).  Take baby steps, be kind to yourself and don’t quit when it gets hard.

3. Make sure the goal is not too easy or too difficult but make sure it is convenient.  For me the La Canada trails and Bikrim are right outside my door.  Well, not right outside my door because that would be weird, but you get the point.

4. Buy yourself a crown and wear it. Trust me this really helps

Lastly, remember medical science is going to keep us alive probably until we are one hundred and we will want to have the strength to get out of bed and walk at least as far as the kitchen. Now that is a good goal.

Delete,Delete,Delete

I woke up this morning to read a post on my Facebook against Obama that can only be described as hateful and racist.  What was even more disgusting was a few people agreed with it, even posting, “Well said.”  Well said???  What is the matter with you people?  When did this name-calling and hate spewing become a substitute for discourse and conversation?  When will I quit asking questions? 
I am from Orange County, California and what I did not know growing up was I was from a Democratic family adrift in a sea of Republicans.  It wasn’t a big deal then.  My parents did not like Nixon but they respected he was the President and never said, “I told you so.” when it turns out they were quite right about him.  I have reconnected with a lot of people from my home-town of Brea through Facebook. It appears that not only are they still Republican, but a couple of them are viciously mean and racist when discussing Obama. I understand being upset with a President. I have spent the majority of my adult life not particularly liking whoever was President. I do not understand, however, the amount of hatred, vitriol, violent threats and meanness directed toward Barack Obama. Oh wait, yes I do.   One of my favorite posts regarding Ann Romney written on Facebook, “It will be so nice to have a beautiful intelligent first lady again.”  Hmm.  I am playing the race card because I have seen it written down.  I saw it on a soon to be former Facebook friends post this morning. 
I have one friend from Brea that I am still in contact with through Facebook or phone almost daily.  Wendy and I have been friends since Junior High but we were kind of “off campus” friends meaning we hung out with different groups at school.  When we really needed to talk, rant or get advice we would always turn toward each other and still do.  When we were Freshman I found a marijuana cigarette or what I was told to call a “joint” in a purse my sister and I shared and I freaked out.  I was pretty hysterical about holding an illegal substance in my hands so I called Wendy and asked her what to do.  She told me to calm down she’d be right over.  She arrived five minutes later in her green Brea Olinda High School band uniform and told me to give her the joint and she would take care of it.  It took me fifteen years to figure out that she and the rest of the brass section smoked it under the bleachers during that nights’ football game.   Wendy has always been the voice of reason in my ear. She is nicer than I am and believes people are good even when they say or do bad things.  I admire that about her and I wish I were more like her.  Maybe Wendy is right and our mutual Brea friends are good people in spite of their offensive posts.  They call themselves good people and talk about God and church and all.  What does God think of hate and racism?  I can’t reconcile it so I will leave it to Wendy to explain the psychology to me as she has done for almost forty years.   In the meantime I will just keep pressing delete.

Puppy Fixes Post Debate Depression

Last Wednesdays debate was traumatic for me.  I knew things were going to go badly when Romney delivered his opening joke about Obama’s wedding anniversary fairly well with only one little stutter.  The joke written for him was self-effacing and funny and I thought, “Oh crap”. As we all know, it turns out my initial feelings were correct. (When are they not?)   The next day after I drove the kids to school I was so bereft I took to bed in a pink silk peignoir with my smelling salts and all the candy I could find and stared at the ceiling wondering what had gone wrong.  How could Barack do this to me?  I have given him the best years of my life. I have stood in the blazing sun extoling his virtues.  I have endured countless jerks and crackpots threatening him and me.  I stood by him when my husband fumed about his going after healthcare instead of the economy.  Let’s face it; it is obvious I have been doing most of the work in this relationship.  All HE had to do was show up and debate Mitt Romney!  I was screaming at the television.  “Look up!!”  “That’s a lie! Call him on it!”  “Barack! Wake up!” It was a nightmare and I couldn’t believe it was happening. There are no excuses.
It took the entire day for me to sufficiently recover and only then because I was forced to participate in this thing called “a family”.   That night I was awakened by Sofie throwing up (not exactly in the toilet). By the time I had cleaned up and was able to return to my bed both Sofie and Addie were in it.  When I crawled in Addie asked me why Sofie was in the bed and I told her she was sick.  Addie leaned over Sofie to whisper what I thought was going to be words of comfort but what she said was, “Do not throw up on me.”

So life continues and it will no matter who wins.  As my 1st Cousin Once Removed Craig said this weekend, “Nothing terrible will happen either way.”  He’s right.  Both sides of this election have portrayed their opponent as the devil who will destroy us.  The truth is we have checks and balances and things have a way of resolving themselves in spite of our idiocy.  Thank Goddess.  Also, I think my guy will probably kick ass in the next debate and all will be right.  In the meantime this weekend we got a new puppy and I got to meet my Great Nephew Jack.  Even though I look way to young to be a great Aunt I do enjoy the title and I am making him and all future  great nieces and nephews call me “My Great” and bow their heads just a little when saying it. The thought of that cheers me up….. a lot.

Is Mitt Romney The Next John Kerry

An opinion piece written by a simple humble housewife with no political background whatsoever.  Oh, wait! I was a Political Science major at Cal State Fullerton for six weeks with the plan of becoming a lawyer until I dropped out to be a dancer at Disneyland. That should do it.  
Me as Cinderella lounging casually backstage with the other Princesses.
When I typed the title of this post, I accidentally wrote “Is Romney the next Jim Carrey?”  Well, no argument there: no.  Just as well, because Jim Carrey probably wouldn’t make a very good President.  The real question is, “Is he the next John Kerry?”  My answer is, “could be.”  By that, I mean Republicans may be scratching their heads in disbelief that they could not find anyone to beat Obama.  In 2004, when Bush was not enjoying great popularity, the best candidate Democrats could come up with was John Kerry.  Not even his own party was that excited about him.  He was stiff, not very likeable, and couldn’t rally the troops.  Sound familiar?  America decided to stick with Bush because they didn’t find the alternative to be a viable choice.  Fast-forward eight years.  Again we have a President not enjoying a great deal of popularity that is ripe for defeating.  And again, the opposing party has put up a candidate that is unlikeable, stiff and can’t even rally his own troops.
I would like to speak to Republicans now, and tell you in my own humble opinion where you went wrong (if in fact you did and Romney loses), or why if he wins it wasn’t by a larger margin.  There were lots of Democrats unhappy with Obama and open to listening to another candidate.  Instead of putting up someone with a moderate voice (like my favorite, John Huntsman) only the far right candidates were given any credence by your party.  The far Right (Tea Party) has called all the shots for the Republican Party, and I am not sure why you are letting them do that.  All of your reasonable voices have been silenced and marginalized.  Mitt Romney moved way far to the right in order to get the nomination, and is now trying to push a bit more toward the middle in order to be more electable.  It’s probably too little too late.  You did not offer Democrats any choice they could get behind.  The addition of Paul Ryan to the ticket sent any Democratic women or seniors who may have been open to change into a tizzy of terror.  No, we don’t think he is good looking, and you can’t buy our vote that way.  Yuck (says Cinderella.
So you are left trying to persuade a handful of independent voters instead of having any shot at luring the discontented Democrats.  And by the way, I know a lot more Democrats willing to vote for a Republican candidate than the other way around.  Just saying.  Even I, DeAnne “I Love Obama” Spicer Todd, would have listened to a Republican candidate with conservative fiscal ideas not accompanied by a platform that includes overturning Roe v. Wade in even the most horrific circumstances, and that sends gay people into hiding.  I even liked John McCain back in the day, before he got old and cranky. 
If Romney loses this election, the Republican Party is going to have to do some major changing.  You have been eating your own tail.  Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Bachman, most pundits on Fox News, Rick Santorum… really?  I cannot believe these are the people you want speaking for you.  Unless they do speak for you, and then I am just plain scared.  
The first debate is tonight, and I seriously doubt it is going to change anything.  The hype surrounding it should keep both candidates from making any mistakes or going out on a limb.  Because we have “a clear choice,” meaning extreme viewpoints, we have left the future of our country in the hands of a very few who can’t even commit to a candidate yet.  Im sorry, how can they not know yet? Those are the only people Romney has a chance to reach, and that is why it might not work out in his favor.   Maybe after the election Romney and John Kerry can get together and watch a Jim Carrey film to cheer themselves up, and start the “I Can’t Believe I Couldn’t Beat That Guy” club.  If that is the case, my suggestion to Republicans is to have your days of mourning and hair pulling and then get to work figuring out what your party really stands for.  I’m pretty sure that if you do that, you could be back in 2016.  Maybe.

I Have My Own Blog, so there.

A friend of mine from high school recently started a conservative blog.  He asked if I was willing to do a point/counterpoint thingy and we decided we would post about “The Role of Government.”  I submitted my post to him and he rejected it! Censored! He said it didn’t have my usual heart or passion.  I think he meant it wasn’t ranty enough.   Not even allowed to post the counterpoint to his point unless he approved the counterpoint before hand. That is so Republican. So, I’ll post it here. Apparently it’s pretty boring but it is already written and I did learn a lot  researching John Adams and Thomas Jefferson.  I love those guys. You know Addie is named Adams after John and Abigail, right?  Have a little caffeine to keep yourself awake and read on:

First of all let’s begin with the preamble of the constitution. 

                              
Now understanding that this is the introduction and in itself does not give rights to the government or limit what the government can do it is still a pretty good starting point.
I am pretty certain no one cares what my personal beliefs about the role of government are so I thought I would go straight to the experts, my two favorite founding fathers, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, because certainly the founding fathers agreed about the role of government, right?  Wrong.   Pardon the over simplification but in a nutshell; John Adams was a Federalist and believed more power should be centralized in the federal government and while in office raised taxes, and substantially increased the military. Thomas Jefferson, a Democratic-Republican, believed in limited government power and during his term  (right after Adams) lowered taxes, cut the military, and tried to pay off the government debts.
Now before we boo John Adams for raising taxes it is important to note that he was preparing a country for a possible war with France.  It wasn’t like we had a petty cash reserve lying around to build a military so he had to get the money somewhere. As for Jefferson, current poster boy for the Tea Party, he may have been a proponent of states rights and less federal government but he was not a fan of  “big banks” and “big corporations” finding them a threat to democracy. 
“I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our moneyed corporations which dare to challenge our government to a trial by strength and bid defiance to the laws of our country.” 
                                                                                                            Thomas Jefferson
Doesn’t sound like he thinks corporations are people.  And then there is this:
“The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts as are injurious to others.  It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God.”
                                                                                                            Thomas Jefferson
Oops, and even Adams agrees.
“The government of the United States is not in any sense founded upon the Christian religion.”
                                                                                                             John Adams
Phew!  Glad that is settled.  Now we never need to debate that again.
As for the issue of social welfare it seems that both Adams and Jefferson were against government supporting it’s people long term.  I have seen first hand our welfare system abused and promote continued dependence on the government.  I have also seen it give hard working people a cushion and support until they can get on their feet again.  Overhaul?  Absolutely, I do not believe in supporting people indefinitely.  However, we are hopefully a nation of people willing to help those who need it.  John Adams thought people were basically selfish. I hate to say I am inclined to agree.  I would love to be proven wrong but I don’t see many individuals jumping up to adopt neglected children or take in the sick or make sure their elderly neighbors aren’t eating cat food.  Church run orphanages and poor houses don’t seem like a good plan to me. So until we are all willing to step up or come up with a better plan I don’t mind if the government uses some of my tax dollars to help those who need it.
If the debate about the role of government has been raging since our countries founding how can anyone state unequivocally what the role of government should be now? Greater minds than Adams and Jefferson are seldom found and if those two guys didn’t agree than maybe there isn’t a definitive answer.  Perhaps that means there is a need for both ideologies and that certain things need to happen or change due to the circumstances.  As times change, the world changes, the way we make a living changes we need to be open to new ways the government can serve the people, not be afraid to get rid of the things that no longer serve us as a nation, and always be aware how we can serve our country and each other. 
“To remain inflexible would be as ridiculous as signing an oath never to raise taxes no matter what new information you might learn in the future just to get money for your election.  It would be myopic and dangerous to democracy. “  
                                                                                               DeAnne Spicer Todd (attributed)
Establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, and promote the general welfare.   How to accomplish this seems to be debatable, still.
I would like to give special thanks to Cathy Lewis Alderman, American History Teacher at Anderson New Technology High School for her help with this blog post.

It’s Not A Race

Coffee and Warm Up
I did it!  I finished (barely) but I finished.  We began At Chase Palm Park on the beach in Santa Barbara and I had some coffee while I watched the sunrise over the Pacific Ocean.  I was speaking to Peggy on the phone, getting a last minute pep talk, when a trainer come onto the stage to lead a warm-up.  Naturally, I thought her warm-up was all wrong, and I quit doing it completely when she started yelling at the crowd to “get going, come on, pick it up!” I am not a person who is motivated by someone shouting at me to “squat like I mean it.”  Instead, I did my own warm-up that I developed over the years that does not even require you to put down your coffee.  When it was time to start I realized I was at the far end of where the walkers were going, and I was stuck in the back of the huge pink mob.  I really didn’t like seeing all that pink ahead of me, so I starting weaving and dodging to pass people and break out of the crowd.  Fortunately, I only knocked over a couple of them.
After about the fifth mile I realized there were no walkers behind me, and I began to worry I had wandered off (it could happen), so I caught up to someone and asked her where the other walkers were.  She told me that we were quite ahead of the pack……  Really? It was like a bell went off in my head and all plans of walking at the pace I had trained for were gone.  Now, as some of you know, I can on occasion be a little competitive, and even though this was “not a race,” there was no way now I was not going to finish “quite ahead of the pack.”  Pace be damned! There were rest stops every mile and a half or so but I kept passing them because there was another one in a mile and half and I didn’t want to waste time filling my water bottles or going to the bathroom.  I passed one stop at around 11 miles and a man yelled after me, “If you don’t have to urinate you are not drinking enough water!”  “Urinating is for losers!” I replied and kept right on going.  I did allow thirty minutes for lunch and did some stretching before taking off again, and even though this was “not a race,” I loved that I was leaving the lunch stop just as the first large groups of pink were arriving.  I continued along throughout the day feeling pretty good until about the last six miles.  I was starting to really stiffen up, but because this was “not a race“ I kept really pushing myself.  I finished three hours before the pace you needed to walk in order to finish on time.  It was great!  The port-a-potties were still clean, I didn’t have to wait in line for the shower, and I was able to get in a very short line for a massage.  I was sitting there feeling pretty smug when the “troubles” began.  I broke out into a cold sweat and felt like I was going to faint or throw up or both.  I staggered rather dramatically over to the medical tent, walked right past check-in and into a nurse who immediately laid me down on a cot.  She called over the doctor to look at me and he said, “My God, she is so young and beautiful!  Miss, can you tell me your name?”  “DeAnne, kind sir,” I choked out weakly and for some reason in a southern accent.  “DeAnne, you are very pale and clammy,“ he said, while clutching my hand. “I’m always pale.” I said.  “No one is that pale!  Nurse, get her an I.V. stat!  Stay with us, DeAnne, you’re too beautiful to die!  Not on my watch!”  Apparently I was rather dehydrated and required some fluids. After a few minutes I felt much better and I asked if I could have some pretzels and a Diet Coke so they told me I could go.  I ate dinner, did yoga, went to the show in the dining tent, promptly left said show and went to bed.
I cling to life in the Medical Tent
I awoke pretty refreshed, and, thanks to the yoga, not very sore.  I did have a few blisters, but we dancers laugh at blisters.  That reminds me of a story: The year was 1955 and I was dancing in the Corps de Ballet of the Nutcracker.   Opening night, the woman dancing the Sugar Plum Fairy inexplicably, tragically, and accidentally, through no fault of my own (that they could prove) fell down the stairs.  Since I was already in her costume, the choreographer said, “DeAnne, you’re on!”  “But Mr. Balanchine,” I replied, “I have a blister!” His large Russian accented voice could be heard throughout the theater: “Dammit , DeAnne!  I am depending on you!  The company is depending on you!  The world is depending on you!  Now, go out there and dance through it!”   “’Kay,” I said, as I skipped toward the stage, and the rest, as they say, is theater history.  I danced like I had never danced before, and didn’t even realize half of my foot was completely torn off.  As I said, we laugh at blisters.
No, the problem on Sunday was not the blisters but that I had forgotten the day before that this was “not a race” and that I was fifty-one and had way over-done it.  As we started out Sunday, I kept trying to speed up and pass people but my legs were rebelling and it was as if I were walking backwards.  Whereas on Saturday I was passing everyone, on Sunday everyone was passing me.  I mean everyone.  Old people were passing me.  People with walkers were passing me. Crawling babies were passing me.  Even snails lined up along the sidewalk were pointing at me with their stupid little antennae and mocking my slowness.  In my defense, I have to say the I.V. pole was really slowing me down.  The wheels kept getting stuck in the sidewalk cracks.  
Saturday, I carried the names of the beautiful survivors I know on my back, Peggy, Jo Ann, Aunt Shawna, Chris Christenberry, Lee, Linda N, Linda J, Jodie, Joanie, Cath, Nancy, Patrice’s Mom, Jaime’s Mom, and Christina.  Sunday they carried me.  It was really tough, but thinking about their strength got me through.  In fact, at one point, I was feeling pretty good and thought that I might speed up but I didn’t.  Instead, I raised my head up, looked around, and realized how privileged I am to be healthy and able to walk, and how much preparing for and doing this walk has enriched my life.  And with those thoughts in my head, I decide to slow down even more and enjoy the journey.  After all, “it’s not a race.”
And Scene!